


You've Been So Nice (So Let's Be Naughty)

by fiveainley_ohmy



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Crack, Dirty Talk, Don’t look at me, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Masturbation Interruptus, Santa Kink, Smut, Spanking, god forgive me for i have sinned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:46:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21875386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveainley_ohmy/pseuds/fiveainley_ohmy
Summary: “I just...didn’t intend for you to know...the effect your appearance had on me.” Spock pursed his lips, staring at his own knees.Jim blinked several times before he looked down at himself and realization dawned on him. “Oh,” he said softly. “So...Santa does it for you?”
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Spock
Comments: 17
Kudos: 142





	You've Been So Nice (So Let's Be Naughty)

“Ho ho ho!” the man in the velvet red suit and fake white beard laughed, his padded stomach jiggling. His hazel eyes twinkled. “And have you been good this year, Lieutenant Uhura?”

Uhura laughed. “Well I don’t know, _Santa_. I’ve certainly tried my best.”

“Well, your Captain tells me you’re the best Communications Officer in the ‘Fleet, so I guess you’ve earned this!” Jolly old Saint Nick pulled a package out of his sack and presented it to her.

Uhura tore open the wrapping paper and peeped inside, then gasped with delight. “It’s my favorite!” she exclaimed, brandishing a bottle of perfume. “You can only get it on Risa!”

“Well, since you’re such a good officer, you deserve it. Not to mention a good friend.” Jim then dropped the voice just long enough to say, “Seriously, Lieutenant—thank you for everything you do. And happy holidays.”

Uhura leaned up on her tippy toes to kiss her Captain on the cheek. “Thank you, Santa. You too.”

“Jim, ain’t you Jewish?” Bones asked, coming up behind his red-clad friend as the lieutenant flounced away. “Why the hell are you playing Santa at this year’s holiday party?”

“Hey, Santa is a religion-neutral character!” Jim said. “He doesn’t discriminate.”

Bones gave him a disbelieving look.

“Okay, you got me. Scotty sprained his ankle and asked me to take over for him. It’s my present to him this year. But who cares? I’m having fun and so is everyone else. Speaking of which...” Jim reaches into his sack and pulled out an amber bottle of bourbon with a ribbon tied around the neck. “Merry Christmas.”

Bones grinned. “Hey, the real stuff. Thanks, Jimbo. An’ here. Happy Hanukkah.” He handed Jim a small square package.

Jim opened it to find an assortment of chocolates inside. “Candy?! From you of all people?”

“It’s Bolian chocolate. Meaning it’s completely fat free. However, eat too many of those and your ears will turn blue, so...ration ‘em out.” Bones poked Jim’s stomach playfully. “Keep you from gettin’ any bigger around the middle.”

“It’s a pillow!” Jim laughed defensively.

“Uh huh. _Sure_ it is.” Bones looked up and his expression turned to one of surprise. “My my my, do my eyes deceive me or has our friendly neighborhood Grinch come to visit the lowly Whos?”

“Huh?” Jim looked over his shoulder to see none other than Spock approaching them.

Their Vulcan friend approached and locked his arms behind his back. “Good evening, Doctor. And...Captain?” Spock gave his costume a curious glance.

“I’m not Captain Kirk,” Jim said in a deep voice. “I’m Santa Claus! Ho ho ho!”

“You know who Santa is, dontcha, Spock?” Bones asked.

“I...have heard of the character,” Spock said, his eyes traveling up and down Jim’s body. Jim suddenly felt himself blushing under Spock’s usually warm gaze. Or maybe it was all the velvet.

“I can’t imagine Sarek would’ve abided by such human nonsense in his house when you were growing up,” Bones said.

“He did not. And since my mother is Jewish, she did not include Santa Claus in her holiday observances.”

“Hah! Told ya,” Bones said to Jim.

“Shut up!” Jim said, sticking his tongue out at him. “Or I’ll put a lump of coal in your stocking.”

Was it Jim’s imagination or did he hear a soft intake of breath from Spock?

“ _Just hear those sleigh bells ring-a-ling, ting-ting-ting-a-ling too_ ,” Uhura began to croon, and everyone’s attention turned to her. Uhura had put together a small band to entertain the party with holiday carols. Bones walked away to get closer to the performance area and Jim was left alone with Spock.

“Hi,” said Jim softly, brushing his fingers against the Vulcan’s, though his eyes were on Uhura. “Thought you weren’t coming to the party.”

“I thought it would please you if I made an appearance,” Spock murmured back, blatantly ignoring the musical act to stare at his _t’hy’la_.

“Well I am very glad to see you,” Jim giggled quietly. “Even though I look absolutely ridiculous at the moment.”

Spock finally looked away, his cheeks going quite green.

“Spock?” Jim tipped his head in concern. “What’s wrong?”

“I...just remembered an experiment I left unattended,” Spock spluttered, hurrying away, leaving Jim confused.

* * *

“ _...he knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake_ ,” Jim hummed absently as he returned to his quarters after the party was over. He reached under his red coat and pulled out the plump pillow, tossing it carelessly onto his bed, then stretching his spine. He was just about to take off his boots and beard when he looked over at the door to the bathroom he and Spock shared and remembered how odd his Vulcan had been acting. Jim decided to go check on him.

“Spock?” Jim said, walking into Spock’s suite. “Sweetheart?—Oh!” he cried in surprise.

Spock hurriedly covered his groin with a pillow. “Jim, I-!” He turned as green as a Christmas tree.

Jim laughed awkwardly. “No need to be embarrassed, we all do it. Although, I’m a little hurt you started without me.” He winked.

“I...” Spock couldn’t meet his gaze.

“Spock, what are you so gunshy about?” Jim said kindly, sitting beside him. “It’s not even the first time I’ve seen you get off...remember?” He grinned wickedly.

“Jim, you weren’t supposed to...”

Jim frowned, getting up. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m sorry. If you’d rather be alone right now-”

“No!” Spock exclaimed, grabbing his wrist. “I just...didn’t intend for you to know...the effect your appearance had on me.”

“Spock, you’re supposed to get turned on by me. I’m your partner,” Jim chuckled, kissing his wrist. “Don’t you know that I think about you when I masturbate too?”

“That is flattering, Jim, but...that is not what I meant.” Spock pursed his lips, staring at his own knees.

Jim blinked several times before he looked down at himself and realization dawned on him. “Oh,” he said softly. “So... _Santa_ does it for you?” he said, barely keeping the amusement out of his voice.

Spock covered his face in mortification.

“Hey, wait, no. It’s alright,” Jim said, reassuringly sinking down next to him. “God knows you’re not the first person to have an...unorthodox kink.”

Spock still refused to look at him.

“You know...” Jim lowered his voice to that same cadence he’d used at the party. “It’s well past midnight, Mister Spock. Don’t you know you’re supposed to be in bed fast asleep?”

Spock peeked at Jim curiously through his fingers.

“You know I can’t let the humans know I’m real,” Jim continued in his Santa voice. “No human is ever supposed to see me.”

Spock swallowed nervously. “But I am not human...Santa,” he squeaked.

“Hmm. That’s true,” Jim said, tapping his white-gloved finger against his chin as he pretended to think. “Well, I suppose I can make an exception this one time, if you can answer me one question...”

“I...shall endeavor to.”

Jim grinned at him. “Have you been _naughty?_ Or nice?”

Spock’s eyes widened. “I...I like to believe...that I’ve been nice, sir.”

“That’s not what I see, Mister Spock,” Jim chuckled. “If you’ve been nice, then what are you hiding under that pillow?”

Spock blushed and his hand clenched the cushion.

“I’m going to let you in on a little secret, Spock,” Jim murmured, leaning closer to him. “Santa _likes_ naughty. He likes it _very_ much.”

“But don’t you...p-punish naughty people?” Spock stammered, as if he could barely believe what was happening to him.

“Oh, sometimes,” Jim said with a smirk. “But maybe I don’t _have_ to punish you. Did you leave something for Santa this year, Spock?”

“Like...what, sir?”

“Most people leave milk and cookies.”

“I do not have those things.”

Jim made a _tsk-tsk-tsk_ sound with his tongue. “It’s not looking good for you, is it, Spock? Unless...you have something _sweeter_ to give to Santa. Something even _better_ than cookies.”

“I don’t know-”

“I think you’re hiding the very thing from me under this pillow, Spock. I’m going to check it—and then I’m going to check it twice!” Jim pulled the pillow away to reveal Spock’s wet, bright green erection. “Oh, _so_ naughty, Spock,” Jim purred. “You weren’t even going to share with Santa!”

“I’m sorry, Santa,” Spock said faintly.

“That’s alright,” Jim chuckled, making him lie back on the bed. “Now I’m going to unwrap my sexy little elf and we’ll _both_ be naughty all night long.”

Spock gasped as Jim lifted the uniform shirt and undershirt off his torso and placed whisker-y kisses all over his chest. He encouraged to Spock to push his unzipped pants down to his ankles, where they got caught by his boots. “Oh, Spock,” Jim gently chastised. “You couldn’t even wait long enough to take your boots off.”

“I’m sorry,” Spock said again.

“Now, now. Maybe you just need a bit of help.” Jim made quick work of Spock’s boots, socks, and pants. “Now...” Jim reached for his Vulcan and coaxed him to straddle his lap. “Tell Santa what you want for Hanukkah, my sweet little elf,” he said in a husky voice, caressing his first officer’s taut buttocks with his gloved hands.

Spock squirmed on his lap. “I thought...I’d been naughty?”

“Oh but you’re being so nice right now,” Jim cooed. “Santa wants to give you anything you want.”

Spock moaned at the sensation of soft velvet fabric rubbing his bare cock, the significant bulge of Jim’s own arousal between his legs. “I want...to be...p-penetrated,” Spock admitted.

Jim grinned. “Now _that’s_ something I can do.” He popped off one of his gloves and rooted around in the drawer beside Spock's bed for the bottle of lube he kept there. "Should I make a joke about coming down your chimney?" he joked as he slid a finger inside Spock's entrance.

Spock gave him a glare.

"Fine, message received. Spoilsport," Jim chuckled. Then he switched back to his Santa voice. "Hmm...I think _these_ have been sorely neglected," he rumbled, staring at Spock's green nipples. With his still gloved hand, he combed the Vulcan's dark chest hair and wrapped his lips around one of the bright green buds. Spock gasped at the slightly rough feeling of the beard against his sensitive skin.

"Mmm. Much yummier than any cookies," Jim murmured, switching sides to nuzzle and suck on the other nipple.

"Jim, please..." whined Spock, squirming on his lover's finger.

"Who's Jim?" Jim demanded, leaning back and pretending to be offended. "Calling out another man's name while I'm fucking you? That's very naughty, Spock. Very naughty indeed." Jim suddenly spanked Spock's ass with his gloved hand and Spock moaned. "Oh, I see. You need Santa to punish you. Well, that is what naughty little elves deserve, isn't it? Lay across my lap, Spock."

Trembling, Spock laid out on his stomach across Jim's thighs. Jim petted Spock's back and asscheeks with his gloved hand. "You know, I have many other houses to visit tonight. So many _good_ boys and girls to deliver presents to. So why am I spending so much time on one naughty elf?"

"I...don't know, sir," Spock said in a small voice.

Jim chuckled and kissed the top of Spock's head. "Because you're my _favorite_ elf, Mister Spock. Of everybody in the whole universe...I love you the most. My beautiful, sweet, amazing, brilliant Spock."

Spock looked at Jim, cheeks turning green and brown eyes shining. "Jim..." he whispered breathlessly.

"Ah ah ah!" Jim said merrily, waggling a gloved finger at him. "You said that other man's name again! Now I _really_ have to punish you." He slapped Spock's behind with his ungloved hand and Spock moaned, burying his face in the red fabric of Jim's pants. Jim swatted him again and again and again, until Spock's ass was bright green. It was actually a very festive sight. "Have you been a naughty boy, Spock?" Jim asked.

"Yes!" Spock gasped, twitching against him. Jim could feel the Vulcan's cock against his leg--it was hard as iron and leaking fluid from his lubricating gland. Oh well. He was going to have this costume dry cleaned before he returned it to Scotty anyway.

"How were you naughty?" Jim coaxed, still spanking him in a steady, even rhythm.

"I..." Spock squeaked. "I...was touching myself without you."

"And?"

"And...I said another's name while being intimate with you."

"That's right. But Santa understands. Even clever little elves like you make mistakes. You'll be a good boy from now on, won't you?"

"I..." Spock swallowed. "I shall strive to."

"You shall strive to, _what?_ " Jim punctuated his question with another slap.

"Ah!" Spock cried. " _Santa!_ I shall be better for you, Santa!"

"Yes, you will. You're such a good boy, Spock," Jim cooed, coaxing him to sit up and lay on the bed. "I'm so lucky to have such a good elf in my workshop and in my bed." Jim caressed Spock's ass with his gloved hand again. "You should see your little bottom, Spock. So green...you know what you would look so good in?"

Spock shook his head.

"Some nice, lacy, red lingerie," Jim murmured. "You'd look as pretty as a Christmas tree."

"But..." Spock gulped, blushing. "I am Jewish, sir."

Jim laughed. "That you are, Mister Spock, that you are. I hadn't forgotten. Though I still think the red would be striking on you. But nevertheless...I still haven't gotten to enjoy my present yet..." He scooted down the bed and parted Spock's thighs. Then he lowered his face and licked the space where Spock's balls would be if he were human. Then he kissed and licked lower...

"Oh!" Spock gasped as Jim began to eat out his tight hole. He arched with pleasure as the human greedily lapped at his entrance, the hairs of the synthetic beard scratching at the sensitive area around it. Jim realized that for the first time in his life, Spock was going to wake up with beard burn on his thighs. Maybe he should consider growing some genuine whiskers of his own.

”S-santa!” Spock exclaimed, wriggling against him.

Jim could’ve eaten out that sweet little green hole all night, but he figured he’d tortured his poor Vulcan enough.

”Alright, my little elf, I think you’ve earned your present,” Jim said, sitting back on his haunches. “Should I take my suit off or leave it on?”

”Don't you _dare_ take it off.”

”Ho ho ho,” Jim said in amusement, undoing his fly and taking out his cock. He quickly rubbed some lube on and slowly slid inside. “Oh, _good_ boy,” he groaned as the Vulcan squeezed him deliciously.

”I’m not going to last long, Santa,” Spock admitted.

Jim began to slide out. “Oh, don’t worry, darling. I won’t either.”

He began to earnestly fuck Spock, thrust into him faster and faster. Spock was completely undone, moaning without shame in his arms. Finally the Vulcan came, and Jim quickly followed after.

After several moments of satisfied panting, Jim sat up and pulled out, hurriedly stripping off his fuzzy red jacket and fake beard. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. It’s too hot—I couldn’t stand it any longer.”

”It’s quite alright, Jim,” said Spock with a hint of a smile. “You’ve done quite enough for me.”

Jim managed to kick off his boots and pants, and flopped down beside Spock in nothing but a white undershirt, red boxers, and his Santa hat. He giggled, wrapping his arms around his love. “That was...insanely hot. All kinds of dirty...but fun.”

”I must concur.” Spock’s expression turned soft. “Thank you, for indulging me.”

”Believe me, that isn’t even the weirdest thing I’ve done in the bedroom.” Jim chuckled. “As a matter of fact...would you ever consider letting me dress up like a French maid?”

Spock actually let out a snort of laughter. “If that makes you happy, my beloved. It would certainly accentuate your legs.”

”Oh that reminds me...I actually have a real Hanukkah present for you.” Jim got up and went back to his cabin and returned with a wrapped gift. Spock was sitting on his bed, having put on a sleep robe. He too was holding a package.

”Here,” said Jim, sitting beside him and giving him his present. “You first.”

Spock meticulously opened the wrapping and found a vintage book of Walt Whitman’s poems inside. “Oh, Jim. This is exquisite. Wherever did you get in?”

”Found it in a little shop in Riverside when we visited Earth for Thanksgiving,” said Jim. “Quite a rare find. Just like you.” He tenderly kissed the back of Spock’s hand.

Spock blushed. “Thank you...I shall treasure this always.” He stroked his fingers across Jim’s in a Vulcan kiss, then nodded to Jim’s present. “Your turn.”

Jim opened the box and reached inside. “Oh my,” he gasped, pulling out a handsome, antique pocketwatch on a gold chain. “Spock...this is beautiful,” he breathed. He opened the face. “And it still runs!”

”My human ancestors took great care to preserve it over the centuries.”

”Spock, this watch has to be...400 years old.”

”Very nearly,” Spock said, nodding. “It belonged to my mother’s great great great great great grandfather, your Earth’s Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. He was a English writer in the Victorian period, have you heard of him?”

Jim grinned. “I think so. This...this is such an incredible gift, Spock. But you are sure you want to give me such a precious family heirloom?”

Spock carefully took his hand. “Jim...you are my _t’hy’la_. You _are_ my family.”

Jim’s eyes filled with tears. “Oh...Spock,” he said, his voice breaking. He pulled the Vulcan into his arms and kissed him soundly. He sniffled and said, “Happy Hanukkah, Spock.”

”Happy Hanukkah...Santa.”

**Author's Note:**

> I can’t explain how my dirty filthy smut fic got so sappy at the end but...*shrug*
> 
> Happy holidays, everyone. And above all else, remember...there’s nothing wrong with wanting to fuck Santa. ;) —Ren


End file.
